Life's trauma.

On Sunday morning on my way to my coaching course I drove by a scene with quite a few police cars and an EMS vehicle by the road. I slowed down and looked over. The police officers were standing in the park, looking and as I followed their eyes I saw something I will never be able to forget or erase from my mind's eye. In a tree only a few feet away hung a man from a yellow rope, which was secured to the base of the tree and wrapped around another branch for set up. Instantly my body started to shake and I had goose bumps all over. I thought I would settle down, but no such luck. This sight got to me...BIG TIME! For a good reason...who is ever prepared for something like this?! And as I drove on my mind started to spin; who would do something so desperate...this man was well dressed and in his prime years. How sad that he was in such a dark place that he could not see any other solution...or way out. I felt so sad for him, but I also realized that I was angry...at him...for creating so much pain to all those impacted by his death, maybe even children. They have to live with this for the rest of their lives, while he got to check out! Not a very considerate thing to do, but then again, this is just the story I'm making up. All I know is the pain of losing someone I loved and needed in my life and the pain I've experienced from losing her, way to soon for my own liking. My mother died when she was my age now and I was only 19. I was not ready to lose the rock in my life and the pain and grief following her death lasted for a long time. Even to this day there are times where I wish I had her in my corner, unconditionally rooting for me and being there for me through all of life's ups and downs. That would be the healthy ideal picture, but as I know much too well; life is full of surprises and there are no coincidenses, rather a perfect and beautiful weave of events and experiences here for us to play with and grow from. The dance is perfect, but not always happy. And I'm learning to dance in harmony with life rather than arguing with its music. Since that is a game I cannot win, then why play it. So I've learned that surrender is a better approach, though I sometimes fall when I try. But I get back up again and dust myself off and put on my game face, ready once again...to dance the dance of life! It is a beautiful dance. Life is short and I much rather dance than be a wallflower letting the fun of life pass me by. So my new motto is (pardon my language) "fuck it!" Stop worrying and be happy!

"Happiness is to be found along the way, not at the end of the road, for then the journey is over and it is too late. Today, this hour, this minute is the day, the hour, the minute for each of us to sense the fact that life is good, with all of its trials and troubles, and perhaps more interesting because of them."
-Robert R. Updegraff