Life is hard right now.

I'm home. It's three days since I got home and I still feel like I'm in a fog. I have been greeted and supported warmly by my kids and friends, yet I'm having a rough moment. In some ways I am adjusting and in other ways I'm not. I feel like I'm lost between two worlds and I'm trying to make sense of it. Tomorrow the "real world" takes over as it is back to school and regular work days. So I cannot delay my social involvement any longer. But, inside I feel that I am not ready; that I don't want to be here. I wish I could take my kids with me and go back to Spain, to the safer, simpler life and predictable routine of the camino. But of course, that is just too easy...escape. I need to be responsible again, and with that comes an overwhelming feeling of aloneness...so I just want to run...far away from my life. I wonder what it takes for this process to take hold, for me to be ok with what is. I don't know...I do know that this is about the pain I connected with in Spain and maybe I'm just grieving....a long life of being alone..with and without people that were supposed to be there.