Santiago de Compostela.

Two days ago, on August 26th, I slowly walked into this amazing city. It was the first day on the camino that I was happy to walk slowly. I did not want the jouney to end too quickly and I wanted to have time to process some of the experinces of these past few weeks. Marit and I talked about it the night before and for the first time on the camino I had a strategy. I wanted us to walk in silence. Marit liked the idea, and that´s what we did. Despite a foot that was giving me grief I was able to stay with my thoughts and I had a very peaceful and productive morning. I thought about all the different stages of my trip and all the wonderful people I have met; from the beginning to the end. I thought about the challenges I´ve faced and how I´ve responded to them. And, finally I looked at the amazing web of connections and processes that kept me going through everything and finally got me to this point; about to cross the finish line. And, in style!!! Before I came on this trip there were some concerns about my safety, travelling alone on a trip like this. The truth is; I have felt safer this past month than I have for years. I have felt cared for and supported by fellow pilgrims and friends of the camino, to a point that I never could have dreamed about. Maybe that was part of why I wanted to soak in this last day? The camino has taught me some amazing lessons and when I think about the beautiful way it was orchestrated I can only laugh. It is brilliant!!! I needed to be broken physically and mentally to connect with the emotional part of me. I had it locked up and the key was carefully hidden. In the twelvth hour I managed to connect and it definitely showed me the missing piece in my healing process. But, I had to get out of my own way first. And I had to allow myself to receive support. For a woman whose survival is based on being independent and self reliant that was extremely hard to do. There was a Spanish girl walking with the same problem as me. Her boyfriend was amazing, showing her love in action as he day by day carried her back pack on his chest. I looked at them again while I had my last break of my camino at Monte Gozo, the highest point before Santiago. On this final day another Spanish guy that my Swedish friends had nick named the professor was carrying her bag, giving her boyfriend a much needed break. As they left I was deep in thought; would I be able to accept this kind of support if someone offered it to me? I don´t know, but I doubt it. My "safety" lies in my indpendence, and by accepting the support I would have to admit that I need someone and that I cannot do it by myself. I don´t think I could have accepted an offer like that. But, I also realized that I have moved forward in that direction, because I have allowed Marit and my Swedish friends to support me for the past week. Without their support I would have been hard pressed to endure the last challenges and tribulations and still keep walking. By the time I sat down for my break I could hardly walk. So I used my ammunition; drugs, a massage with Traumeel, and finally lots of Voltareen (an anti-inflammatory cream). A little while later I was good to go. To my surprise the pain never hit me too hard for the last part and I was able to walk into Santiago in a relaxed manner. I was full of gratitude for this amazing journey, all the wonderful people that I have met, and the important lessons I have learned. Also, I was so grateful for the amazing people I have in my life who have sent me emails and comments and cheered me on. It can be hard to know what to say or do for someone like me, but you have all been my strength and support in ways that I could not even dream of. I thank you from the bottom of my heart! I am truly blessed and I know it!!!
By the time we arrived in the old town and the cathedral was in front of us I was overwhelmed. It was such an emotional day, where I knew deep down in my soul that I have turned a corner for good. An old part of me really did die on the camino and I am starting a new leaf.
There were some maple leaf trees along the streets on the way in and I was holding a leaf in my hand. It connected me to my home in Canada, and I was acknowledging that Canada did feel like home. An interesting experience on the camino for me was to answer to where I am from. My credential was from Canada while my passport was from Norway. Numerous times they´d ask me what I wanted it to say in the records; Norway or Canada. And I had a hard time deciding, playing with both answers. It would be a hard task to track me in those books if they ever tried... Confusing!!! Maybe a reflection of my own inner confusion of belonging. Neither country was completely right, nor wrong. So here I was on my last day carrying this maple leaf thinking about where I belong. I realized that I belong with my family and friends. And right now home is with my children in Canada, and that is ok. When I saw the cathedral I could not contain myself (nor did I want to) and cried...beautiful tears of joy!!! I had arrived here and I had made it through all my challenges. I did it!!!

This is an important part of my jouney. It feels like I have completed a chapter, with many more to come. I do know that I will be a student of life forever and that is ok. But, this difficult and amazing chapter is over and I can open up to some new aspects of life that I haven´t allowed room for.

Yesterday we went to the pilgrim mass in the Cathedral at noon and it was an amazing personal aspect of my closure. It is quite surreal to hear them list all the people (not by name) who have arrived in Santiago the day before. I was acknowledged as a pilgrim from Canada, and when I heard it I felt something vibrate though my body, as a rush of heat. It was perfect! They even swung the Botafumeiro, the incense burner. It was not the giant one, but that´s ok. We all got to smell the incense and see the famous tradition. It was originally used to fumigate the sweaty (and possibly disease ridden) pilgrims. Now it is a beautiful tradition that to me represents a final cleansing of us pilgrims.

The other most amazing closure happened last night when Gøsta had invited us out for dinner. It was his birthday and he wanted to have a nice evening and celebrate the end of our journey. Marit had hung a carrot in from of me when we walked saying that when we got to Santiago we´d go shopping. She had listened to me complain about how sick I was of my pilgrim clothes, and she wanted to give me something to look forward to. After settling in at our hotel we did go shopping, thank goodness. Our hotel, by the way, is what I call my sanctuary. It is the perfect place to land after a journey like that. It used to be a convent, but has been beautifully restored to this elegant, tranquil hotel. I just love being here!!! Anyway, we ended up at the Parador hotel for dinner; the most amazing evening we could have dreamed of! It was like a fairytale. And we had the best closing of our journeys. We shared our thoughts and celebrated each other. And, the pianist payed "Somewhere over the rainbow" for us. There is a story about that song for us. Emil and I had talked about how much we love that song and I had shared how I had used it to build me up at a very low point in my life. The song became a topic a few times the last couple of days as we tried to remember the lyrics and melody. It even played in the lobby at our hotel the day we arrived...Coincidence...or not...It has a special place in my heart that´s for sure.
Thank you Marit, Emil and Gøsta! I got to be part of something bigger and it means the world to me.

It is almost noon and it is time for me to leave. my taxi will be here in a few minutes and I am happy to say: "I am coming home!!!"

"Who says it is impossible should not disturb those who make it possible."

-Unknown