This is an interesting time to be on this planet right now. It is turbulent politically, economically and enviromentally and people are having a rough time making sense of it and finding hope in the midst of it all. I have diligently refused to watch much news and read the doom and gloom articles in the newspapers and magazines. All that comes out of this for me is fear and negative thinking. So why go there...I am also focused on connecting to what it truly is that we are supposed to learn from this experience. It is an experience marked with depression and confusion and fear seems to dominate people's thoughts. I am not immune to this experience, but I do make a consistent daily effort not to let it drive me; rather me managing my thoughts and refocusing them to stay positive about my life and the world that I live in. There is a lesson and an opportunity necessary for the recovery of our financial, political and environemental stability. And after practicing my mental discipline for quite some time now I finally understand what it is...at least for me. It is the opportunity to achieve freedom. True freedom does not lie in a democratic society, nor does it come from financial freedom. It comes from within and resides in the mind. It is the ablity to choose one's thoughts at any given point in time. And what greater time to learn it than right now. Is this a bad time or is this a good time? Our choice...What is bad about what is happening in our society today and what is good about it? Which thoughts make me feel good about myself, my life and the world that I live in, and which ones don't? My choice!!! Freedom lies in my power to choose the thoughts that serve me and manage the ones that don't. It takes practice and willingness to become real with oneself to achieve this freedom. We must be prepared to challenge old belief systems that have outworn their usefulness and be willing to taste and try on some new ones that may feel very foreign at first. But if we want to grow as human beings and as a society then we must become conscious of our thoughts and work to change them. Nelson Mandela is one of my heroes and he is a shining example of how powerful this work is. He brilliantly lived this freedom as he chose to forgive and focus on what was more important; to create freedom for all the people of South Africa. This is one of his famous quotes:
"The time is always right to do right."
Another person who is a living example of this truth for me is Paolo Coelho, who has experienced his fair share of trials and tribulations, yet knows to look beyond the obvious and connect with what lies behind. If the intent was to do good but the outcome was opposite, there is no need to forgive. His parents sent him to a mental institution three times in his late teens to "fix" his artistic "dysfunction". His comment about the experience is that they wanted to help him. It was not a healthy strategy, but the intent was to help, so therefore there is no need for forgivenes. Now that is true freedom!!! He liberates himself and his parents from their collective painful history with how he chooses to think about the experience. Here is a quote from his acceptance speech, delivered to the Brazilian Academy of letters:
"The glory of the world is transitory.
and we should not measure our lives by it,
but by the choice we make
to follow our Personal Legend,
to believe in our utopias
and to fight for our dreams.
We are all protagonists of our own lives,
and it is often the anonymous heroes
who leave the deepest mark."
-Paolo Coelho
These are some other quotes that speak of the true essence of freedom:
"I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind."
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved."
-Franklin D. Rosevelt
"Self-reliance is the only road to true freedom, and being one's own person is its ultimate reward."
-Patricia Sampson
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Being present and serenity
I am learning the art of being present, so that I'm actually living in the moment and not in the past or the future...no more regrets, fears, or even wishful thinking to take away the enjoyment and honouring of what is right now!!! I am aiming for serenity...peace amidst all the chaos and ups and downs of day to day life. It definitely is a work in progress...
As I am doing this I am becoming more and more aware that it may not actually be peace that i am aiming for, rather harmony, or maybe neither...as per definitions...or both...
Serenity
- the absence of mental stress or anxiety,
- calm, peace, tranquility, composure, peace of mind
- steadiness of mind under stress
- a state of peace and quiet
Peace
- Freedom from quarrels and disagreement; harmonious relations
- Inner contentment; serenity- absence of mental anxiety
- harmony between people or groups
Harmony
- Agreement in feeling or opinion; accord
- compatibility in opinion and action
- congruity of parts with one another and with the whole
- harmony of people's opinions or actions or characters-capability of existing or performing in harmonious or congenial combination
What I am learning is that being present connects us with our ability to have an open heart, beacuse we do not worry about past or future, but instead have trust in this universe and connect with what matters; the present moment! Which is all we have anyway.
As my heart opens I find that I am actually experiencing all my feelings more intensely. The difference is; my feelings don't drive me the way they used to. I am able to connect with my ups and downs, celebrating my highs and taking note of my lows. My lows provide ample material for getting to know myself better and connect with what holds me back in life; ususally emotional baggage or misconstrued ideas/beliefs that I may or may not not have been aware of. But I do not look at it to dwell on it, rather to understand that which no longer serves me. Once I know what it is I have the opportunity to change my own programming and create a new story for myself; one that does serve me and is actually true. It gets easier the more I do this, but we are some amazing onions, with our humanity and vulnerability so intertwined that it is hard to know what is what. Thus, we are the easiest to fool and the hardest to be honest with....ourselves. And so it is a lifelong journey.
Life is full of ups and downs and the challenges can test us at the core of who we are. What I am learning is that I have a pretty well equipped tool belt to handle whatever challenges come my way. It is not easy, but it helps me stay present and let the future take care of itself more.
I do not see conflict or disagreements as a negative thing, on the contrary. It shows up as a natural element of living an authentic life, where we honour what is true for ourselves, yet are human in the midst of it all. And conflicts are a natural part of life. The key is how we deal with them and how we perceive them. How we feel about conflicts determines the actions and thus our experience of them.
Serenity... for me: acceptance of what is and allowing the experiences and emotions to be true without arguing with reality or wanting things to be different, knowing that everything (good or bad) is perfect exactly the way it is at any given moment.
Food for though:
Symptoms of Inner Peace
A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experience
An unmistakable ability to enjoy the moment
A loss of interest in judging other people
A loss of interest in judging self
A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others
An inability to worry (this is a very serious symptom!)
Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation
Frequent acts of smiling
An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than to make them happen
An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.
-Unknown
"The more I attempted to "be me" the more "me's" I found there were.
I now see that "being me" means acknowledging all that I feel at the moment,
and then taking responsibility for my actions by consciously choosing
which level of my feelings I am going to respond to.... "
-Hugh PratherNotes to Myself : My Struggle to Become a Person
As I am doing this I am becoming more and more aware that it may not actually be peace that i am aiming for, rather harmony, or maybe neither...as per definitions...or both...
Serenity
- the absence of mental stress or anxiety,
- calm, peace, tranquility, composure, peace of mind
- steadiness of mind under stress
- a state of peace and quiet
Peace
- Freedom from quarrels and disagreement; harmonious relations
- Inner contentment; serenity- absence of mental anxiety
- harmony between people or groups
Harmony
- Agreement in feeling or opinion; accord
- compatibility in opinion and action
- congruity of parts with one another and with the whole
- harmony of people's opinions or actions or characters-capability of existing or performing in harmonious or congenial combination
What I am learning is that being present connects us with our ability to have an open heart, beacuse we do not worry about past or future, but instead have trust in this universe and connect with what matters; the present moment! Which is all we have anyway.
As my heart opens I find that I am actually experiencing all my feelings more intensely. The difference is; my feelings don't drive me the way they used to. I am able to connect with my ups and downs, celebrating my highs and taking note of my lows. My lows provide ample material for getting to know myself better and connect with what holds me back in life; ususally emotional baggage or misconstrued ideas/beliefs that I may or may not not have been aware of. But I do not look at it to dwell on it, rather to understand that which no longer serves me. Once I know what it is I have the opportunity to change my own programming and create a new story for myself; one that does serve me and is actually true. It gets easier the more I do this, but we are some amazing onions, with our humanity and vulnerability so intertwined that it is hard to know what is what. Thus, we are the easiest to fool and the hardest to be honest with....ourselves. And so it is a lifelong journey.
Life is full of ups and downs and the challenges can test us at the core of who we are. What I am learning is that I have a pretty well equipped tool belt to handle whatever challenges come my way. It is not easy, but it helps me stay present and let the future take care of itself more.
I do not see conflict or disagreements as a negative thing, on the contrary. It shows up as a natural element of living an authentic life, where we honour what is true for ourselves, yet are human in the midst of it all. And conflicts are a natural part of life. The key is how we deal with them and how we perceive them. How we feel about conflicts determines the actions and thus our experience of them.
Serenity... for me: acceptance of what is and allowing the experiences and emotions to be true without arguing with reality or wanting things to be different, knowing that everything (good or bad) is perfect exactly the way it is at any given moment.
Food for though:
Symptoms of Inner Peace
A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experience
An unmistakable ability to enjoy the moment
A loss of interest in judging other people
A loss of interest in judging self
A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others
An inability to worry (this is a very serious symptom!)
Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation
Frequent acts of smiling
An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than to make them happen
An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.
-Unknown
"The more I attempted to "be me" the more "me's" I found there were.
I now see that "being me" means acknowledging all that I feel at the moment,
and then taking responsibility for my actions by consciously choosing
which level of my feelings I am going to respond to.... "
-Hugh PratherNotes to Myself : My Struggle to Become a Person
Monday, March 2, 2009
In celebration of my mother, Agnethe Fredrikke Myre (Lorentzen) 13.05.1939-02.03.1984
Today marks the 25th anniversary of my mother Agnethe's death. On March 2nd, 1984 she passed away after complications from her Varicose vein surgery, which had taken place the day before in the hospital in Harstad. The odds for such a surgery to be fatal were 1:200,000, and that day the odds were not in her favour. It was mid afternoon and I was at home cleaning the house for her to come home when my father came up the stairs. I've never before seen him in such a way; his complexion was completely gray and the man looked like he had seen a ghost. He was only 54 at the time but he looked like he was dying. Yet he managed to walk up to me and look me straight in the face before he choked up and with a cracked voice told me that my mom was gone.
That moment marked the official end of my youth and life was never to be the same again. The whole family was devastated as we struggled with intese pain and grief. For years we all had our challenges learning to be ok with our existense without the love and support of our mother and for dad, his wife. We had been the most connected group of siblings and that connection ended up getting tested in the years to follow as we stumbled and screwed up in our ways to heal and move forward. But time is a good healer and we have since learned to take the high road and have "gotten over it", whatever that "it" meant for each of us.
In moving forward and reconnecting with the love and the bond that existed, we are now honouring our mother by being there for one another again and making family a priority. My mother lived these family values and she instilled them in us as she day in and day out prioritized us children and our dad, as well as her sisters and her father. She was my grandfather's baby and treasure, and as I think about her now I finally understand why. She was a loving daugther, wife and mother. Even more, she was down to earth, positive, kind, smart, supportive, forgiving and dedicated to the people in her life and to her commitments. She was not someone who complained about small stuff and she did not get caught up in drama. She was kind and loving to people and it truly showed at her funeral when the church was so full that people had to stand. There were many young people there, which was quite unusual. But it was because my mother and my father had had an open door policy for our friends and they were always welcome at our house. They even knew how to time their visits so that they could get her waffles on Friday and sometimes Saturday afternoons. Our kitchen would sometimes be so full that some of us would sit on the counters or stand behind the chairs. But as long as we could have those hot waffles as they were baked and have fun visiting then all was ok. And people would come and go as some finished and others arrived. It was a very social time at our house and to this day I think about those moments as some of the best memories from home. We truly loved the warmth and comfort my mother created for us. It is something that we could never replace. But, because of her role modeling we have all learned to create warmth in each our homes and I know that we all have embraced family, friends and now our children's friends in our homes. And now my waffles are known and treasured among my friends and my children's friends, and my children are proud of our special food and love our waffles and the social part of sharing them. My mother may be physically dead but she lives through us every day as we now have embraced her values in each our lives.
The other day I asked my dad to tell me about memories of my mom that came to mind. Even though we were half a world away from each other and talking on the phone I could tell my dad was smiling as he started talking. "This is not exactly a story", he said as he went on to share the tradition they had on Sundays in the winters when they used to take us kids cross country skiing and he would bolt to get home while we were still enjoying ourselves with bonfire and hot chocolate, oranges and whatever else my mom had packed for us. "This was my way to help her out", he said, "as I would go home and get dinner started, while she could stay out with you guys". My mother was not a big athlete and definitely not a strong skier, yet she took each of us children out and made sure we all learned how to ski at a young age and continued to support us and share with us the joy of skiing and being active. This a a gift that I never realized the true value of as a child or even as a young adult. But after doing the same with my boys with downhill skiing I understand the true value of the gift my mother gave to us. She taught us all how important it is for us to be active and to be active as a family and spend quality time together. Thank you, mom, for all that you were and for all that you did to help us grow into healthy people with strong values and a passion for life.
An interesting thing for me today is that my mom was my age when she died and in exactly two months to the day I will be the same age that she was when she died. This thought has brought me to tears a few times today. I am accutely aware of the loss my sister experienced, as David is already older than she was when mom died, and I can only imagine how tough it would be for any of my kids to loose me. And, Lisbeth did lose her mom, and I became her "mom". It was tough for me, but even more so, for Lisbeth. She has grown to be a strong and wonderful woman who values her family more than words can describe. Despite the rough start in life she has now made my mother proud with how well she has come through her challenges. I'm 44 now and I feel young, and I remember how I thought my mom was quite old. Interesting, those perceptions...Now I know that she had a lot of life still left in her, yet her time was up. This amplifies the universal truth that all we have is truly just right NOW, so it is important not to waste the only time that truly matters, fretting over small stuff or even playing small. Life is precious and what a waste it would be not to fully live it while we can. If my mom were to give us any advice I believe this would sum it up: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why we call it the present."
Today after school I told the boys what was special about today and we lit a candle that has burned in her honour all day. I shared with them a couple of stories that Helge and Lisbeth told me about mom and they got to know a little more about my mother, their grandmother, a woman that I deeply love and miss to this day. I am grateful for the time that I had her on this planet and I am sad there is so much of my life I cannot share with her. I've accepted this about my life and I truly believe she is with me and all of us in spirit. And that gives me comfort.
Thank you mom, for everything. I love you!
That moment marked the official end of my youth and life was never to be the same again. The whole family was devastated as we struggled with intese pain and grief. For years we all had our challenges learning to be ok with our existense without the love and support of our mother and for dad, his wife. We had been the most connected group of siblings and that connection ended up getting tested in the years to follow as we stumbled and screwed up in our ways to heal and move forward. But time is a good healer and we have since learned to take the high road and have "gotten over it", whatever that "it" meant for each of us.
In moving forward and reconnecting with the love and the bond that existed, we are now honouring our mother by being there for one another again and making family a priority. My mother lived these family values and she instilled them in us as she day in and day out prioritized us children and our dad, as well as her sisters and her father. She was my grandfather's baby and treasure, and as I think about her now I finally understand why. She was a loving daugther, wife and mother. Even more, she was down to earth, positive, kind, smart, supportive, forgiving and dedicated to the people in her life and to her commitments. She was not someone who complained about small stuff and she did not get caught up in drama. She was kind and loving to people and it truly showed at her funeral when the church was so full that people had to stand. There were many young people there, which was quite unusual. But it was because my mother and my father had had an open door policy for our friends and they were always welcome at our house. They even knew how to time their visits so that they could get her waffles on Friday and sometimes Saturday afternoons. Our kitchen would sometimes be so full that some of us would sit on the counters or stand behind the chairs. But as long as we could have those hot waffles as they were baked and have fun visiting then all was ok. And people would come and go as some finished and others arrived. It was a very social time at our house and to this day I think about those moments as some of the best memories from home. We truly loved the warmth and comfort my mother created for us. It is something that we could never replace. But, because of her role modeling we have all learned to create warmth in each our homes and I know that we all have embraced family, friends and now our children's friends in our homes. And now my waffles are known and treasured among my friends and my children's friends, and my children are proud of our special food and love our waffles and the social part of sharing them. My mother may be physically dead but she lives through us every day as we now have embraced her values in each our lives.
The other day I asked my dad to tell me about memories of my mom that came to mind. Even though we were half a world away from each other and talking on the phone I could tell my dad was smiling as he started talking. "This is not exactly a story", he said as he went on to share the tradition they had on Sundays in the winters when they used to take us kids cross country skiing and he would bolt to get home while we were still enjoying ourselves with bonfire and hot chocolate, oranges and whatever else my mom had packed for us. "This was my way to help her out", he said, "as I would go home and get dinner started, while she could stay out with you guys". My mother was not a big athlete and definitely not a strong skier, yet she took each of us children out and made sure we all learned how to ski at a young age and continued to support us and share with us the joy of skiing and being active. This a a gift that I never realized the true value of as a child or even as a young adult. But after doing the same with my boys with downhill skiing I understand the true value of the gift my mother gave to us. She taught us all how important it is for us to be active and to be active as a family and spend quality time together. Thank you, mom, for all that you were and for all that you did to help us grow into healthy people with strong values and a passion for life.
An interesting thing for me today is that my mom was my age when she died and in exactly two months to the day I will be the same age that she was when she died. This thought has brought me to tears a few times today. I am accutely aware of the loss my sister experienced, as David is already older than she was when mom died, and I can only imagine how tough it would be for any of my kids to loose me. And, Lisbeth did lose her mom, and I became her "mom". It was tough for me, but even more so, for Lisbeth. She has grown to be a strong and wonderful woman who values her family more than words can describe. Despite the rough start in life she has now made my mother proud with how well she has come through her challenges. I'm 44 now and I feel young, and I remember how I thought my mom was quite old. Interesting, those perceptions...Now I know that she had a lot of life still left in her, yet her time was up. This amplifies the universal truth that all we have is truly just right NOW, so it is important not to waste the only time that truly matters, fretting over small stuff or even playing small. Life is precious and what a waste it would be not to fully live it while we can. If my mom were to give us any advice I believe this would sum it up: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why we call it the present."
Today after school I told the boys what was special about today and we lit a candle that has burned in her honour all day. I shared with them a couple of stories that Helge and Lisbeth told me about mom and they got to know a little more about my mother, their grandmother, a woman that I deeply love and miss to this day. I am grateful for the time that I had her on this planet and I am sad there is so much of my life I cannot share with her. I've accepted this about my life and I truly believe she is with me and all of us in spirit. And that gives me comfort.
Thank you mom, for everything. I love you!
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