Designed for joy.

Today is July 24th and I am on my way to Leon. I have to take a bus and a train to get there from the remote place of Boadilla, and idyllic reatreat on the Camino. Yesterday I walked from Hontanas to Boadilla, a 30.4km walk into the straight and unyielding prairie wind. It was an amazing day with plenty of beautiful scenery to rest my eyes on as well as alot of quiet space to let my mind wander. And wander it did.

There is a theme coming up for me all the time in these past few days; one of purpose. What is the purpose of the Camino? What is the purpose of my life? On May 17th I went for a walk along one of my favourite trails in Calgary, called the Douglas Fir trail. As I was walking along the trail with a friend of mine I saw something leaning up against the stump of a tree. Without thinking I went straight over and picked it up. It was a dvd, titled "Designed for Joy". On the back on this still unwrapped product someone had written "for anyone", which in my interpretation was a perfect message that it was meant for me. My friend had not even noticed this thing. I wondered how many others had walked by without seeing it. Yet, it caught my eye and I did not hesitate. So I got the message, loud and clear. But how do we tap into that place of ourselves that is our natural joyful state? It is something I am curious about and wanting to learn; how to be in a joyful state. Thus my contemplation during my long walks these past few days. And from it I have connected with some more of my truth.

What I first saw as a hinderance to the enjoyment of my Camino this year (my foot needing extra care and attention and never completely letting up) has turned out to be the best gift I could have wished for. There has not been one day on this trek that I have taken my ability to walk the next day, let alone this entire Camino, for granted. Thus, I never ignore the messages my body is sending and I am heeding the warning signals. In Santo Domingo de la Calzadas I took another day off and made the day special in a different way (more about that later), before I was back on the trail the next day with a foot ready to try again.

I am learning to go with the flow, to truly be present every day for whatever comes up and not to take anything for granted and not have any preconceived ideas of what a good day on the Camino should look like. Therefore I feel this intense sense of joy every step that I walk on the Camino and love the fact that I am able to do this walking that I love so much. In it all I am learning to think outside the box and find a better way for myself to achieve my goals. I have slept at Casa Rurals and other forms of accomodation and allowed myself more peaceful sleep and privacy, as well as using a service available to us which is sending our back packs ahead to the next destination so that my foot gets less strained during the walk. I sometimes ask for local help and book accomodation in the morning, which has turned out to be one of my smartest moves yet.

Three days ago as I did one of the most intense legs on the Camino so far, a 30km walk from Belorado to Atapuerca with a fair bit of elevation gain and a relentless trek across the high pine-forested hills where the temperatures hit 40 degrees, the earth heating me from below as well as a wind warmer than the air and no shelter or shade to protect me from any of these elements. After about 7 hours I got to my destination of the historical village of Atapuerca, dancing along the highway while I was listening to some great tunes on my ipod, and saw that the albergue was full! But my bed was reserved for me and my bag was beautifully placed beside it. I was a joyful camper after 8 hours on the go, expressing it by dancing along this road with the heat and the wind still relentlessly reminding me of this intense day. I was reminded of my painful walk on the same stretch a year ago, and I could not stop thinking about how I can have such a vastly different experience of the same hike.

What I realized was that I do not ever take my ability to walk for granted on this trek and thus I savour every moment that I am fully in the game. It is a blessing that I am mindful of and I love every day and every moment of every day that I get to have a good experience on the Camino. And with it comes a relaxation and desire to celebrate the success of every walk and arrival at a new destination. So I drink wine, enjoy the great company of fellow pilgrims and newfound friends and I let tomorrow be just that, a day in the future. I look at other pilgrims and think about how lucky we all are to have this opportunity to do this amazing trek. It gets in your blood and that may be a mixed blessing, but for now I can only see the good in it.

I also think about how this applies to the rest of my life. I have thought many times about how I am not 100% present all the time and I am particularly guilty of that when it comes to my time with my kids. How often am I on the cell phone or my home phone when they are with me and want my attention. How much of my mental and emotional energy do I spend worrying about things and the future? I only have the present and I know that the only way to really enjoy the present is not to take it for granted. Never take my health, family, children, friends, abundance or any other aspects of my life for granted. If tomorrow never comes I would make the most of today. I need to remember this every day and let people in my life know how much they are loved and valued regularly. Nothing and nobody is to be taken for granted. Life is what it is; what we choose to think of it and how we frame the experiences in our minds is all the difference. I want to live in a state of joy, which means I want to learn to surrender to what is, make the most out of every moment and opportunity I have and be in acceptance of what is out of my control.

"Why should I be gloomy when I can be glad? Here inside of me is a fierce force that makes its own weather, winning through thickest clouds to the shining sun."
-J.B. His Life and Works